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Core Values #4 - We strengthen the church by strengthening our families – 6.29.8 Dennis Mullen
Core values:
TODAY:
Let’s start with some lamentable statistics that we can wring our hands over:
35% of American adults have divorced.1
35% of American(?) born-again Christians have divorced.2
34% of married born again adults divorced after becoming Christians.1
1 Christianity Today,
Go Figure, 1.26.05
2 Christianity Today, Go Figure, 11.1.04
Barna Research Group reports that born again Christians actually have a slightly higher rate than the general population. http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm
Here at Morrison Hill: MHCC regular attendees (adults): 25% - 60 out of 236. This is based on my own quick count and is certainly a bit low.
A couple of things we can conclude:
Donald Hughes, author of The Divorce Reality, said:
"In the churches, people have a superstitious view that Christianity will keep them from divorce, but they are subject to the same problems as everyone else, and they include a lack of relationship skills. ...Just being born again is not a rabbit's foot." http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm
Now, divorced people, if you think I’ve been kicking you so far, let me now (in the interest of fairness) kick some other people J. I could talk about the number of Christians who looked at pornography this past week, and implicate some of the non-divorced here. Or the ones who committed adultery outright, but who (by God’s grace and the grace of their family, saw their marriage saved). I could find statistics about all the Christians who, unlike Christ, lie to save money or make it, cheat on their taxes, or who live in luxurious houses while people starve…and I guess I’d cover everyone. So let’s get the logs out of our eyes… To all who haven’t been divorced, before you take these numbers, which represent a real problem, and lament the awful state of the family and of church, remember that many of these folks were abandoned by spouses, or they were abused, or they were cheated on, or they themselves sinned in ways they have learned to despise and regret, but by the grace of God, they carry on.
Nevertheless, fracturing families weaken our church in a hundred ways, and when we make serious effort to heal such fractures and to prevent them, we’re shoring up the strength of the church itself, and this core value expresses it: We strengthen our church by strengthening our families.
It seems almost self-evident why this is so, but let me give some reasons. First, families in crisis tend to require a lot of energy and attention. I don’t begrudge any family this, BTW. I have been there myself. If your family is currently or recently receiving the ministry and attention of the church, Christ’s body, understand that we are glad that you are here. Paul, in his magnificent vision of the church as Christ’s body in 1 Corinthians 12 says that when one part of the body suffers, every part suffers with it. In a growing church which welcomes real people with real problems, there will always be some family in crisis, and a healthy body cares for the suffering parts. But what happens when the family is under such attack that 20% or 40% or 60% of our families are teetering at the edge of a cliff because of adultery, pornography, abuse, bitterness, or rebellion? That’s a major illness in the body, and the church in such a state can hardly focus attention anywhere else – not on feeding the hungry or clothing the naked or fulfilling the Great Commission. In that way, it’s obvious that we strengthen our church by strengthening our families.
Second, when families divide, the church is tempted to divide with them. In other words, to take sides. We know we shouldn’t do it, but when a Christian couple splits up and they’re thinking about divorce, we find ourselves sympathizing with someone, and that’s when I hear folks saying things like: “Why aren’t the leaders doing more to confront HIM!” and “Why is SHE getting everyone’s sympathy?” It isn’t just in marriage either. The same thing happens when kids and parents run in a major conflict. We hear one side and we’re tempted to render judgment on who is right. In that way, it’s obvious that we strengthen our church by strengthening our families.
Third, here’s a positive reason – strong families are a powerful witness to the life-changing power that comes from following Jesus Christ. Non-Christians know that family is hard. They know that divorce happens to a lot of people. Most of them don’t get married with the plan of sticking together only for a few years, and they don’t want to be at odds with their kids either. Lots of people want good families. It’s just such a basic part of life. Now IF they could look to the church as a place where families stay together with real joy, they might say: “Wow, those Christians may believe some strange things and have some odd quirks, but they must have tapped into something powerful, life-changing. Look at how they love one another, even at home.” But by and large, people cannot look at the church and see that. Now I will say that there are certain families in our church that inspire you to look deeper and ask “How do they do it?” But the numbers show that we have the same tendency to fracture as anyone, and we seem to be no closer to TRUTH about family than Oprah or Eckhart Tolle or… But it that could change, what a powerful witness it would be, which is why we say that we strengthen our church by strengthening our families.
Now let’s back up and ask the question WHY? Why is it that our divorce rate matches the culture (or even leads it)? I think I know why, and it’s the same reason that Christians are materialistic (even though Jesus wasn’t) and look at pornography (even though Jesus didn’t) and have sex outside of marriage (even though Jesus didn’t) and tend to believe that our military can solve complex problems and give us real security (though Jesus never said anything remotely like that). And it’s because all of us, divorced, remarried, single, married once, old, young, or in-between have failed to hear or obey (in some respects) the most basic call to discipleship:
MT 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.
I wish I could apply it to all the areas I just mentioned, but for today, let’s stick to the family.
First off, let’s understand what the cross is. Don’t ever say to me that your arthritis is your cross to bear, or your leaky roof or your broken-down car or your temper. The cross was an instrument of execution, and when Jesus uses it here, it’s another way of saying: “Die to yourself. Let your selfishness be killed off. Quit looking out for number one.” When he tells us to take up our cross, he isn’t saying to be a little LESS selfish at home or to take out the trash and do the dishes a bit more often. He is saying: “Die to yourself. Trust me for your life and rewards. Don’t ever again pursue through sinful means what you think you need or even what you REALLY need. Die to yourself, even if it kills you.”
All good marriage and family counseling begins there. Any good marriage retreat is supported with this command behind it. Any biblical parenting class assumes this commandment right from the very start: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.
But I suggest to you that it is the most ignored commandment in Scripture. By me and by you, I mean. What we try to do is to build our Christianity on top the American dream. Material things. Retirement plan. Attractive family. A little fame and a little fortune. And when this wobbly and totally unbiblical foundation collapses, our faith gets damaged too, just like the foolish man who built his house upon the sand.
Now, I come back to this quote for just a second: Donald Hughes, author of The Divorce Reality, said: "In the churches, people have a superstitious view that Christianity will keep them from divorce, but they are subject to the same problems as everyone else, and they include a lack of relationship skills. ...Just being born again is not a rabbit's foot."
I actually agree with that. The answer isn’t Christianity, the spectator sport we all know. The answer is Christ. But understand that I’m talking about the Christ who said "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. Christ doesn’t promise to turn YOUR American dream into reality, because he isn’t in the habit of turning lies into truth.
Nevertheless, there is tremendous power, healing power, in denying yourself and taking up your cross. If only one person in a marriage is committed to Christ like that, it can be very tough on that person, but God can do amazing things through that person, and the family is stronger because of it. And as you can imagine, if TWO people in a marriage are committed to the way of the cross, there isn’t anything that can drive them apart.
That doesn’t mean that everything is smooth or automatic. We still need people to come alongside us and say, “You say you’ve died to self, but the way you talk to others isn’t consistent with that”. IOW, we might be totally committed to the cross, but I lack relationship skills. Totally committed, but I have blind spots where I don’t even notice that I’m still in it for me; totally committed, but I don’t have a clue what this means for my money. But the difference is, once we understand this, we’re willing to do whatever it takes to change. You’re willing to bleed so that Christ might be lifted up in your actions.
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.
A silent invitation…to come and die. And find true life.
Morrison
Hill Christian Church
P.O. Box 59 - 1008 E.
Race St.
Kingston, TN 37763 (865) 376-5205
