Mary:  A Mother's Journey
Dennis Mullen  - May 11, 2008

            Today we’re going to spend a little time with a woman we usually talk about only at Christmas – Mary, the mother of Jesus.  That’s because today is Mother’s Day, and Mary is a fairly profound example of what a mother goes through and (more broadly), what a disciple needs to be.  Mary has been given undue emphasis in some circles, but that shouldn’t scare us away from walking along her journey with her and learning.

Mary 1.0

            When we first meet Mary in Luke’s Gospel, the main thing we hear about her is that she is a virgin.  This was expected of any unmarried person, of course, and there was also a theological reason for reporting this fact:  Her child would be the son of God – not an unwanted pregnancy, not an accident or a mistake – and not some ordinary guy who grew up and decided at age 30 to be the son of God either – but REALLY and in TRUTH, God’s own son, born of a woman.  That’s pretty basic.  You can’t NOT know that if you’ve ever been near a church any time in December.

            The thing we can PRESUME about Mary is that she is young – younger than 16 perhaps.  The Bible doesn’t say how old she was, but in the first century Jewish world (and in most of the world for most of history) people had to grow up fast and they married young.  Today it’s a scandal if someone marries at 16 or 17 (and certainly 15) and usually it OUGHT to be cause for concern.  A lot of us don’t grow up and take responsibility for ourselves until age 42 or so – we’ve stretched out our lifespan and stretched out childhood at the same time.  But if you trace your family line back to your grandparents or great grandparents, you may find that they had to mature quickly and so they married at 14 or 15. 

            The most important thing we learn about Mary is that she was a humble and dedicated believer.  When the angel Gabriel told her that the impossible was about to happen, and she had been chosen for the most important human part, she said:  "I am the Lord's servant…May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38)

            That, as it turned out, was not the gateway to an easy, prosperous and blessed life in the center of God’s will.  Now I believe as an article of faith that the BEST place to be is always the center of God’s will, but it certainly isn’t always the easiest place to be.  Just ask Paul or Joseph of the OT during the years they spend in jail, or ask Stephen as they raised the stones to throw at him.  It can be tough in the center of God’s will, but God is always there and He is always faithful. 

            And it was tough for Mary.  Shortly after Jesus was born, the Magi came to see him and stirred up a lot of commotion by going around asking:  “Where is this newborn King of the Jews?”  Herod the Great, who fancied himself the King of the Jews, felt very threatened by this, and not knowing how to find Jesus, he sent his soldiers out to slaughter all the boys in and around Bethlehem who were two years old and under.  That of course sent Mary and Joseph running off to Egypt, to a foreign country not known for its friendliness to Israelites.  So Mary, because of her simple faith and obedience, had to uproot from every bit of family support and love she had ever known and go live for several years in a foreign land.

Now for me this would have been an occasion for doubt, or at least some serious questioning – the main issue being the deaths of all these other boys.  I understand that the forces of evil are going to try to get this child of mine, but for him to be the indirect cause of so much suffering for other mothers and fathers is just a heavy load to live with.  But if Mary lived under that cloud, the Bible doesn’t say. 

Besides, Mary had warning.  When Jesus was 40 days old, Mary and Joseph had taken him to Jerusalem for the ceremony of purification, and an old prophet, Simeon, after speaking of what Jesus would do, said to Mary:  “And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” (Luke 2:35)  That is such an apt description of motherhood (at least part of it) that you could legitimately write Luke 2:35 on a card and take it to a baby shower.  You might not be invited to any more showers, but it would be true that for every mother, there will be a pain or grief or a sense of loss even in the best of situations.

Sometimes it’s just the pain of watching your son grow up and seeing the closeness of childhood give way to a distance in adolescence as your son begins to make his own place in the world apart from you.  Sometimes the sword piercing your soul comes from the daughter who rejects your values and your faith, at least for a time.  Sometimes it’s just the pain of having your children move away to work and raise their families in another city across the country or across the ocean.  Sometimes it’s the awful tragedy of a child who dies too young. 

Someone said that being a parent means to forever have your heart walking around outside your body.  I think Moms have it even tougher than dads too, because as kids become adults, they define their own place in the world by putting some distance between them and Mom’s world.  That’s why we talk about “cutting the apron strings” and not being a “mama’s boy”  A sword will pierce your own soul too.

Well, when Simeon said that to Mary, he was prophesying even bigger things than anything I have mentioned, and it was just the start when Mary and Joseph had to run for Jesus’ life, off to Egypt. 

Mary 1.0 was a time of loving Jesus as a son and sacrificing everything else to keep him safe, keep him fed, and eventually to start him growing and learning about his Father in heaven.  Twelve years later she was still in that mode at age 28 or 30 or so (Mary 1.5?) when they all went to Jerusalem for Passover and Jesus stayed behind and engaged in some serious learning and debate with the teachers at the temple.  It says in Luke 2 that… 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers.  Mary was still very much in parent mode – raise the boy, educate him, keep him safe, he’s only a child – so Mary said:  "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you."

            Then this answer, which reveals to us that a new stage in their relationship is beginning: 
49 "Why were you searching for me?  Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" 

            Indeed, he did.  I hope I’m not stretching too much for an application here, but there is a sense in which every child reaches an age where he or she has to listen to God’s call on their own lives and to start being about their Father’s business.  This is what must be so tough about being a parent, especially a Mom, when the kid says, “Mom, Dad, I think the thing for me is to be an engineer, or a Marine, or a pilot”.  Or, worse, “Mom, I think this is the guy for me!  The one with the earrings in his eyebrows”.  From that day on, your relationship will never be the same, which doesn’t necessarily mean it will be WORSE, but never the same!  “Mom, Dad, didn’t you know that I had to be in my Father’s house?  Didn’t you know God made me for something, and I can’t stay?”  Didn’t you know?

            Of course you knew.  You just didn’t think it would be so SOON.  Of course you want them to follow God’s call on their life.  But can’t it wait another year?

            It wasn’t quite time for Jesus yet, so it says that “he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.”  But for Mary as for every mother, the time was coming for Jesus to separate from her in order to be faithful to God’s call.

Mary 2.0

            We don’t see Mary or Jesus for another 18 years, so there were (no doubt) other phases of their relationship in the between-time, but for clarity, Mary 2.0 begins at a wedding feast in Cana. 

            At this point Mary, who is 45, 46, maybe 50 or so, is still very much his mother, but she is also becoming a believer.  You know the story, how they ran out of wine at this wedding, which was an incredibly embarrassing thing for which people would judge them for years (kind of like making a fool out of yourself on American Idol!).  Now Mary is very much his mother in that when she hears about the wine, she immediately thinks “I know just the person to fix this, and he WILL fix it if he wants his laundry done next week!.  So she goes to Jesus and says: “They have no more wine”, and she isn’t asking him to run down to the liquor store.  She’s saying, “Do that thing you do.”  Mother AND Believer.  Jesus’ response shows a little tension:  4 "Dear woman, why do you involve me?  My time has not yet come."  And yet she DOES involve him and he DOES his thing, and the result is that he makes the best wine that has been served all night. 

            Mary 2.0, the mother and struggling believer, is the Mary that we see when we occasionally get a glimpse of her in the Gospels.  One instance from Mark 3:

            20 Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. 21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind."  As you’ll see a few verses later, his family was his mother and brothers.  Joseph, his earthly father, never appears after the incident when Jesus was 12, and most scholars presume he died. 

            Now if your brothers decide you’re crazy, you can put it down to sibling rivalry.  Besides, they were half-brothers…  But you might expect a little more faith from your MOM!  I like this passage, though, just because it shows Mary to be incredibly human!  She may have been one of the best of all humans, but she was human.  Maybe her other sons talked her into this, and she felt bad about it later, or maybe she really was starting to wonder about this son she had unleashed on the world – whether he really was the Messiah or if he just had a Messiah-complex. 

            This is certainly different from what most of you Moms face, but it isn’t completely different.  Maybe you never quite thought of your child as out of her mind.  But as she grows up, her world becomes more and more centered on other people, work, another church in another town, different interests – and you start to realize that, though you’re still part of her life, you’re not the biggest part anymore, and she is whole-heartedly devoted to a network of people (co-workers, friends) that you don’t even know.  Now if you add in there a bit of religious devotion or fanaticism about some hobby or activity, you might start to think:  “Maybe she is into something nutty.  Do I even know this person any more?” 

            I guess I’m stretching the application again, but I want you to see that for Mary it was more than understandable that when Jesus really dove in to his Father’s business, it seemed a bit unbalanced, over-the-top, if not nuts.  Even in a good mother-son, mother-daughter relationship, part of the pain is the pain of letting go and letting them become someone different than you imagined.  Excluding situations of outright sin, the best parents learn to value the person their children become.  My parents certainly struggled with that, I know.  You might suppose they’d be proud to have a preacher-son, and they have been.  But we are different from each other, sometimes in…theology…whether to have kids….where to live…the books we read, the teachers we listen to…  I don’t actually know of a time when Mom set out to take charge of me, thinking I might be out of my mind, but if she ever did, it would have been understandable!

            Anyway, Mary DID, and it says in Mark 3:31f - 31 Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32 A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you."

33 "Who are my mother and my brothers?" he asked.

            34 Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! 35 Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother."

            That is a serious OUCH.  “Here’s my mother – the one who does the will of God!”  Now remember that this is the same Jesus who reaffirmed the commandment to honor your father and mother, and the same Jesus who thought of her from the cross and left her in John’s care. 

            It is a tough thing to say, but it’s tough love, not cruel harshness.  What matters more than following God?  Nothing does.  What’s more urgent than pulling someone back onto the path when they’re falling away from God?  Nothing is.

            Moms, you raise up your kids in the Lord, and you train them to be godly and you pray that they’ll be Christians.  But then they DO grow up in the Lord and they want to become missionaries, or they want to go be a Christian witness in the peace corps in Malawi.  Do you say:  “Hey, there’s plenty of need right around here.”  Or:  “Look, the thing about being a Christian is to not get too fanatical about it…”  Or:  “After all I’ve done for you, how can you move halfway around the world…” 

            At least for a moment here, it seems that Mary unwittingly made Jesus choose between her and God.  And what he said was tough, but we all know that it was the RIGHT thing to say:  “My real family are those who do God’s will”. 

            Letting go has got to be the hardest part of being a Mom…even letting them go to serve God.  But raising a kid up who is totally committed to Christ, even to the point of risking his life for God…that has to be a pretty great feeling too, a real sense not just of accomplishment but of MISSION.  I guess all parents are tempted to pull back when their kids pull away, to try to regain a little control.  For Mary, the issues she was struggling with were huge because her son was also her Lord. 

            As for the rest of Mary 2.0, we really don’t hear much from her.  We think of Mary as a prominent figure at the crucifixion, and she is present, but she doesn’t say anything.  The one time she is mentioned is significant, though.  In John 19:25-27 -  25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," 27 and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

            That’s significant because it shows the ending of a tough journey that began with a baby in her womb, the closest two people can be, and consisted of Jesus having to pull away from his mother little by little to eventually come into the Kingdom of his Heavenly Father.  Finally at the cross, Jesus gets ready to die.  Not for good, mind you, but he won’t be coming back to his mother in the same way either.  Their separation as mother and son is complete when he now assigns John his place as Mary’s son.  A sword will pierce your own soul too.

            It’s a different journey for you, Mom, but there are similarities, aren’t there?  Between the infant in the womb and the independent adult there are a thousand places of pulling away, of separating and of letting go.  Giving a kid roots to grow and wings to fly, as they say, has got to be the most difficult job in the world.  A sword will pierce your own soul too.  And yet I can’t think of much else that is nearly as important.

Mary 3.0

            The last time Mary appears in Scripture, it’s a very brief mention, and it isn’t her most impressive role.  In fact, it’s just a bit part.  It’s in Acts 1:14, after Jesus ascended into heaven and before the Holy Spirit was poured out on the Day of Pentecost.  It simply says that a small bunch of believers gathered in an upper room in Jerusalem to pray, and among them were Mary and the Lord’s brothers.  Mary 3.0 is in her early 50s or so.  Her job is finished.  She’s now just an ordinary, faithful believer. 

            Then again, that IS pretty impressive, just because it’s THE example for every one of us.  She got picked for the hardest and most important job in human history, one that came with absolutely no status.  She did her best – she did a fantastic job, actually – but as her son grew in wisdom and stature and favor with God and men, he also pulled away from her, and she found herself more and more on the outside of his world.  It wasn’t hers to be his confidant, to be an apostle, to sit at his right hand in the Kingdom, nor did she ever ask for anything like this (so far as we know). 

            John must have gotten to know Mary well – she became his mother, after all – yet she appears only briefly in his Gospel, and always in a subservient role to Jesus.  As his ministry began, hers ended, and her place was nothing more than humble service in the Kingdom, which she apparently accepted.  Now that I think about it, that IS pretty impressive, not in a worldly way, but in a Kingdom way.  Like John the Baptist, she knew that Jesus must increase and she must decrease.  And she let it happen.  She let go of Jesus in the way a mother must.  And she let go of any claim she might have had on recognition or power in the Kingdom.  In some ways, Mary 3.0 is the most impressive Mary at all.

            I’m sure you know that, as time passed, Mary was lifted up and venerated by the Catholic Church till she became practically a deity.  There’s just no reason for that in Scripture.  She is very human, sometimes fallible, no quicker than any other to believe.  She didn’t become a prophet or teacher, at least not one whose work survives.  She raised her son and lived the life of a believer.  But that’s a pretty good example, don’t you think? 

            So here’s Mary’s journey – simple believer, faithful and obedient to God; chosen for a place in the salvation story that no one could have imagined, and faithful in that even to the point of risking her own life and sacrificing her own dreams…like most any mother.  Then:  A mother AND a believer who sometimes found it difficult to be both, or at least difficult to understand God’s will for her son, a believer and mother who has her heart broken at the foot of the cross; and finally, a simple believer once again, part of the crowd and indistinguishable from the other followers except for her past supporting role.

            It was a difficult role, one that broke her heart in thousand ways and yet gave her great joy, no doubt.  In that way, it was every mother’s role.  And it wasn’t easy being at the center of God’s will, but the thing is, God is there and God is always faithful.

            As he was for her, so he is for you.       

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